Falsetto
by PlanetOfTheWeepingWillow
Summary: A high school AU of CanUkr. Things go from beautiful to strange, opening up the forbidding world to Matthew and Katrina, who will go through it hand in hand. Along the way, they may understand a thing or two about believing and the harsh reality of life; and set them free.
1. Chapter 1

**Falsetto**

**Synopsis: A high school AU with CanUkr. How long can Matthew hide his life at home from his girlfriend?**

**Done at the request of an anon user on tumblr, but it is open to all readers!**

**Hope you enjoy**

**Genre: Romance**

**Rating: T**

* * *

1

First period calculus; first day of school.

Matthew prepared himself mentally, gathering up his courage. He was only a freshman but had passed Math with such flying colors he was dropped into a junior class, nonetheless. He sat in the back of the class, knowing he would have trouble focusing from this point, but it would be better than being shoved around.

Class drawled on, but eventually Matthew was dismissed. He scrambled out of the door, into the hallways, and stopped dead. He knew it was stupid to stare, but he could feel his heart throb and his cheeks flush red. He had seen the most beautiful person in the entire world. She was a freshman, tucking a strand of short, brown hair behind her ear. Her eyes, glimmering like gems, looked at Matthew. She blushed in response and went past him. She smelled faintly of perfume, applied at a decent amount. Matthew stared after her, knowing full well that he was way out of her league. He had these clunky braces in his mouth, a pimply face, and was bony. He wasn't short, he was actually taller than she was, but that wasn't enough.

He sighed sadly and went to his next class.

Three classes later, French class, he met up with her again. As by chance, she sat right next to him, simply because there was no other chair. He looked pathetically at her and she smiled. She had braces too.

Matthew already knew French, but due to bad scheduling, he ended up in the same class as the other freshmen. The teacher called upon him, asking what he knew, and Matthew shamelessly replied in fluent French. Astonished, the teacher began the basic "how do you do?" and "hello" greetings.

Katyusha stared at Matthew in shock. "Wow," she said below her breath, "You really are good! Why stay here? You can get moved up to AP French!"

Matthew blushed, knowing he would regret what he was about to say, but said it anyway, "Well, I want to see you…"

She, instead of slapping him, looked away demurely. "Sit by me at Lunch."

"Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

2

Katyusha and Matthew only shared one other class besides French. She played the cello, he played the violin. They learned this while sitting at lunch, outside on the grass. Matthew imagined it was a magical, picnic, but the loud curse words from asinine sophomores threatened to disrupt that fantasy.

Matthew bit into his awfully dry sandwich and looked over at Katyusha, who was sitting cross-legged and holding a thermostat up to her mouth.

She noticed him looking and turned over to him. "Oh, Matthew, I've been meaning to ask, since you told me about orchestra last period—why do you play the violin?"

Matthew swallowed his bite, taking extra measures to look neat, "I don't really know, it was either that or the viola." He lied, "And I don't like the viola too h—much,"

"Hm?" She looked at him curiously, picking up a dumpling and eating it.

"Hm what?"

"You were about to say something else, besides 'much'."

"Oh, no it's nothing. It's a Freudian slip." He nodded. She decided not to question him further and continued on with her meal. The lunch bell tolled and they grouchily rose to their feet, ready for another mess of classes.

Last period would not come fast enough. Matthew grew more and more nervous, certain that Katyusha would shove him into the feared 'friend-zone' and leave him there to rot. She was the first girl he really, really liked. Most other girls he would look at, think they were cute, but they would shoot him a strange glance that he would instantly drop any fantasies of getting closer to them. Besides, he wasn't a believer of dating girls that wouldn't last.

Finally, after what? A billion years? Matthew rushed to his locker and pulled out his violin, but his knees turned to water. What if Katyusha didn't like him back? He swallowed hard. That would be terribly, dreadful…

Matthew shrugged it off, trying to think positively. Brother said to always look for the happiness in a situation. Even if she didn't return his feelings of amour he would still have a great friend.

He shuffled into the wide classroom. It smelled faintly of almonds. He chose a seat in the midst of the other violinists, as close as he could get to the cellists, that is. Katyusha sat next to him, removing the smooth, shiny wooden instrument from its case. She placed it against her, leaning down to tune it. Matthew noticed how nice her breasts were, but dismissed it nervously. No, he would keep this strictly out of the sexual side.

Unless...

No, there is no "unless".

The teacher, a silent, stiff man with a heavy Austrian accent, walked in. He cast a frozen look about the class room and stood in the front. "This is my first year teaching here, but far from my first of teaching music." He demonstrated this by sitting at the piano, raising the lid, and playing Moonlight Sonata. He pressed every correct note, filled it with such undeniable passion, and flung it into the air with sophistication. He never smiled once.

Matthew and Katyusha exchanged glances. When their eyes met Matthew felt his heart beat faster and turned away quickly.

The teacher stood, "My name is Mr. Edelstein, you shall address me as that and only that. Now, for warm-ups, as you call them, I will play several notes and you will repeat them…" He picked up a worn, but handsome, viola and poised his fingers, waiting for the class to be prepared.

After class, tired and worn out by Edelstein's extensive and hard class, Matthew waited for Katyusha to finish packing her cello.

She smiled at him and they headed up to collect their things, ready to go home.


	3. Chapter 3

3

The days molded into weeks which molded into months, and before anyone knew it, it was already November.

Matthew looked up from his lunch bag, seeing Katyusha, or Kat as Matthew was permitted to call her, was making her way over. The sun caught in her hair and eyes, she smiled politely, pulling her sweater more tightly around her, despite it being a fortunately warm autumn day. She sat by him, pulling her feet below her.

"So you've finally moved up?" Kat asked.

Matthew nodded, "French I was way too easy, I wasn't benefiting at all. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"For leaving you alone and all."

She touched his shoulder and rubbed it gently. Matthew grinned, feeling himself blush. Their friendship did anything but lessen Matthew's crush on her.

"So you live with your brother?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I was only curious. I mean, I would like to meet him."

Matthew shrugged, looking at the people crossing by. A few boys were tossing around a football and a gaggle of girls were giggling, discussing who was hot and who was not. Kat leaned against the tree and Matthew picked at several blades of grass.

"What's he like?" Kat asked.

"You'll like him more than me. He's tough, big, strong, blonde, tall, the whole package."

"I don't care what he _looks_ like, Mattie, I want to know what's like at home?"

"We live alone, since we don't have parents. He's great. Life's fine."

"Matthew…"

He looked at her, but found he couldn't stay annoyed. His brother was a touchy topic. She leaned over and her lips brushed against his cheek. He blushed more and looked at her, his lips mere centimeters from hers.

The bell tolled and Kat rose to her feet, collecting her bag. "Well I'll see you in seventh period, Mattie, bye." She waved her fingers, a flurry of a good-bye, and rushed away.

The next day, at lunch, Matt was late to come. Heavy bags dragged his eyes down, but he managed to smile.

"Hi," he said, sniffing. His voice was hoarse.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, some allergies is all." He pulled a tissue from his pocket and wiped his nose.

"Okay…"

"So you know about my life at home, what about you?"

"I live with my brother and sister, they're both younger than me, but not by a lot. We live with our parents." She reached for his hand. He took it and squeezed gently. When he held her hand, he felt utterly at ease. He didn't have to worry about his hands sweating too much or squeezing her too hard.

"Do you want to come over tonight?" Kat asked, "We could go on a date?"

"Um, no. No, sorry I can't." Matthew looked away, shamefully. "I have work to do."

"Oh, tomorrow?"

"Work again."

"Oh…"

"I'm booked every day except Sundays."

"So?"

"Yeah, we can meet then," Matthew turned to her.

"Why are you working so much, Matthew?"

"I," he wet his lips, "I want to scrape up some money for something I want to buy. I live only with my brother, right? He has two jobs and even then he hardly has enough money. I couldn't _ask_ him for a loan, so I want to make it on my own."

"Oh! How nice!" Kat said and leaned forward. Matthew didn't understand what she wanted, and sat still. Her eyelashes fluttered, closing. Her lips puckered.

"K-Kat?" Matthew frowned, still not understanding.

"Mmhmm?" She pulled back, looking severely disappointed.

"N-nothing, we should get going." He stood, watching the others who dared stay outside in the days steadily growing colder start to migrate in.

She nodded, dropping his hand and moving in. The grey walls of the school blended with the bleak sky. A cold wind harshly dipped down, causing Kat's skirt to flutter. She gripped it, allowing it to clean to her curves.

"Dude," someone said behind Matthew, pounding his hand with a flat hand. "Why didn't you kiss her?"

"What?"

"She wanted to kiss you!"

"She did?"

The boy scoffed and went in, catcalling Kat. She shot them a disgusted look, capturing a frosty hatred she had unknowingly picked up from her sister. They recoiled. She cast that gaze at Matthew, more hurt than hate.

* * *

The next few days went by and Kat hardly spoke to him, until Friday after orchestra class. She waited for the rest of the students to file out. Matthew shifted uneasily.

"So we'll see each other on Sunday?"

"Yeah. And Kat—" He held out his hand, stopping her. She turned, her hand on the door handle.

He rushed over, placing his lips on hers. She blinked in surprise, and before she could kiss back he had already escaped.


	4. Chapter 4

4

That Sunday, Matthew waited for Kat outside of the park. She walked over, stepping out of a car and waving good-by to a man who must have been her father. She went up to Matthew, holding her purse tightly. He smiled broadly, kissing her and reaching for her hand. She allowed him to grasp it and they walked through the park, passing other couples and dog-walkers.

Matthew yawned, rubbing his eyes.

"When was the last time you slept, Matthew?"

"I don't know… I stayed up late studying for a calculus test."

She nodded, leaning into him.

"Does this mean I'm your boyfriend?" Matthew felt something blossom inside him, happiness maybe.

"Yes," she paused, and then added; "The best boyfriend in the world, at that."

They walked under a dim sky, bruised by dark clouds. The stench of rain hung low in the air. A drop of water plopped on Kat's nose and she brushed it off, holding out her palm, expecting another one. Sure enough, a light rain began to drizzle down. They rushed into the public gazebo for shelter. She held onto him, comforted by his warmth.

Sitting in that shelter, chilled, they watched the sheet of rain platter down, coating the streets and causing them to gleam. The street lamps were like liquid lights, fusing with the puddles. Young children ran happily in the rain, until their parents scolded them and asked them to come in, saying they'll catch a cold at that rate.

Matthew felt Kat place her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Am I your first?" he asked.

"First boyfriend? Yes."

"First kiss? You're mine."

"No, I was dared to kiss a boy in seventh grade."

Matthew chuckled. Feeling a dim spark of jealousy.

"Does your brother have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?"

"He dated a little, but he never found anyone to settle down with. What about yours?"

"Same, but they are younger than me, and I think they both had one person to go out with, for about a day maybe."

He laughed, feeling older than he really was.

"Matthew, do you really want it?"

"Want what?" Matthew felt his knees turn to slush.

"That thing you want to buy? What is it? I can buy it for you, as a gift." She said, "I wanted it to be a surprise, but I don't even know what it is."

"It's… It's nothing, really, actually. I was lying, I'm sorry, but I didn't want to worry you."

"Then what is the money for?"

He licked his lips. "My brother isn't making enough money, I wanted to help him out."

"So many job hours? It's noble of you, though."

"It's not like that," Matthew blustered, searching madly for the right words. "I, um, well my job pays a very small amount of money. If I work any less I wouldn't make anything worthwhile."

"Ah," she said simply, not wanting to press the issue further. The rain lessened and the couple escaped.

"Can I walk you home or is it too far?"

"No, you can walk me home."

"Good, I want an excuse to talk to you more."

She chuckled, kissing his cheek, "aren't you just a hero."

A hero

Sure

Kat led him down a winding path, the longest way home. They enjoyed the after-rain warmth and smell, and each other's presence.


	5. Chapter 5

5

Matthew sat in his math class, penning down the notes but casting glances out the windows. Powdery snow buffeted down, clinging to the windows and lining the rims. He just got his braces off and constantly passed his tongue over the smooth, free teeth. The teacher assigned them their homework. Matthew scribbled it down, standing up with the rest of the class. A sluggish air flooded the school halls. They had just returned from winter break, ready to embrace the new January.

Matthew passed Kat in the halls, exchanging a brief kiss. The girls around her lock burst into 'awws'. Despite all the hype about high school, Matthew was actually comfortable with it. He expected to be tossed around and bullied, but their school was just the right size where everyone stuck to their cliques and couldn't be bothered to pick on anyone. Of course, there were some scandals and damage done, but no one really targeted Matthew. He was deeply grateful for that. In fact, he was quite respected for his brains, but otherwise ignored. In a way, that stung. But he had Kat, and a cluster of other friends. With that, he was content.

For everyone else, the end of the day would not come quick enough. For Matthew, the end of the day was hurtling at him full speed, with the gloomy prospect of work ahead of him. Before he knew it, he was packing up after orchestra. Kat waited for him, as always, and stayed until Mr. Edelstein had left to monitor the hallways. Fancily enough, that hallway had the least amount of tardy students.

She looked into his eyes after they exchanged a long kiss.

"You have work again, don't you?"

He nodded sadly.

"Okay. I love you."

That was the first time she had said that.

"I love you, too."

That was the first time he had said that.

They walked back upstairs, Kat waited at Matthew's locker, for him to pack everything up. A slip of paper dropped out of his locker. Kat bent down to pick it up, reading a legal note on it. Her eyes widened, clutching the paper to her breast.

"Mat, you've been lying."

"What? No, wait, give that back!" He reached for the paper but she held it away from him, holding his shoulder tightly.

"Not until you tell me why the government is contacting you!"

"It's… So you know how I live with just my brother, who is nineteen?"

"Yes."

"Well, the people in charge don't think he is a good guardian."

"Oh," Kat handed it back.

Matthew tucked it away in his backpack, zipping it up, and tossing it over his shoulder. He slammed his locker shut, leaning his forehead on the cool metal.

"You're lying again." Kat said, leaning towards him, "Aren't you? I'm not mad, I just want to know what's happening, and if I can do anything to help."

"It's nothing," Matthew shook his head, "My brother can get through it, I'm sure."

"I can loan you some money. In fact, I can give you all my babysitting money."

He rounded on her. The halls were clearing, now.

"No!" he shook his head, holding her wrist. "You can't do that."

"Why not? I'm your girlfriend"

"Not my wife,"

"But—"

"No 'buts'. I couldn't take your hard-earned money."

"Mat…"

"No."

He kissed her nose, "Love you, bye." He whipped around and scurried down the stairs, sure he'd be late.

The ghost of his kiss tickled her nose and she frowned.

"Matthew…" She turned to collect her own things, lugging the cumbersome cello case in her wake.


	6. Chapter 6

6

Matthew finished his freshman year with a grin plastered across his face. It went much, much better than he could ever have anticipated. He had even taken a day off from work, to take Kat to the pool. They always went on dates on Sundays, and the previous one she had asked to go swimming, since the weather was fair and the sun shone warmly.

Matthew lounged on the chair, ready to take some driver's Ed classes over the summer. He schedule stayed the same, but instead of school he would be on the road. He couldn't wait to take Kat wherever he pleased. She was the fabled school sweetheart that would last forever. He could feel it in his bone marrow, vibrating like a can of angry bees.

He applied a copious amount of sunscreen and watched Kat swim leisurely through the nearly vacant pool. A few kids splashed around in the corner, but most other teenagers were at parties or at the mall, or on vacation if they were lucky enough.

Kat stopped at the edge of the pool, her hair darkened by the water and sticking to her face. She giggled.

"Matthew, come in already."

"Can't, the sunscreen says not to go in right away."

"You aren't that light-skinned."

"You'd be surprised." He blew her a kiss. She reached up and 'caught' it.

"Come in already," Kat whined. Eventually Matthew agreed. He slid into the water, wary of the sun's sting. Kat grabbed onto his shoulder and wrapped her legs around his waist. He swan along, carrying her, and trying not to look as though she was weighing him down. He felt slightly embarrassed of his lack of muscle. He could feel her body pressed to his and felt a stirring in his stomach. It was strange. Besides his accidental glance at her cleavage, he had never really felt anything about her body. Her personality and beauty and simply _her for her_ was all he looked towards. He was constantly jeered at for that.

Though, the girls all developed crushes on him. Whether it was because his acne had cleared up or he was with Katrina, he couldn't tell.

But now, with the silky water flowing between them and her warm body against his, he felt a sudden, nasty urge. He tried to shake it off by talking with Kat.

"So, how do you plan to spend your summer?"

She thought about it, playing with his hair, and not helping his situation.

"I'm not taking driver's Ed until next year, but I think I will hang around friends, read, be with you… Has your work load lightened?"

"No."

"Oh of course not," she didn't say it unkindly.

"I'm sorry,"

"No need," she kissed his neck. He nearly jerked away. "I still haven't met your brother."

Maybe the truth would take his mind off of the fire in his loins.

"Um, Kat, about him…"

She grinned.

He saw it in her reflection, glimmering in the sunlit pool.

"Kat?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you grinning like you know something?"

"I'm just happy you're finally coming clean."

"Why should I? You obviously already know!" As he had planned, the fire was extinguished and replaced by a forbidding iceberg in his chest.

"I don't know anything. I'm waiting for you to explain yourself."

"Well, Kat, Alfred, my brother, he's in jail."

"What?" Kat let go of him, bobbing back slightly. The water came up to her neck. Her eyes flooded with tears.

"Why are you sad, Kat?" He frowned.

"G-go on."

"Um, well, he's in jail because he accidentally hurt somebody, but I don't think he really did it. I think he was falsely accused. Anyway, he left me alone and now I have to work a bunch of jobs to keep up with the rent. Even if it is a shabby place…"

"Then how are you planning to take driving classes? To pay for them, I mean." She reached for his hand but he twitched away.

"That's what the legal letter said, the one you found some time ago. It gave me a little bit of money and some help. That's all. I had to push and shove for it, though."

She nodded, sinking lower into the pool, so her lips were below.

"Kat?"

Tears slid down her cheeks and into the pool water.

"Don't cry, Kat."

"I can't help it. I'm sending you all the money I have."

"Don't! We've been over this, Kat."

"Mat…"

He kissed her forehead. "Come on, let's not let this ruin our fun." He held her hands and pulled her through the water.


	7. Chapter 7

7

Matthew's driving instructor, a beefy blonde German, grunted at him to continue. He jotted down notes as Matthew smoothly made his way through the course. Eventually, a smile crept up on the man's face. Matthew was the best student he had ever had, and he was passing the test with flying colors.

Little did he know, Matthew was hardly focusing. His mind was constantly dragged back to the feel of Kat against his back and her tears, falling like comets; shimmering, across her face. He had seen her since then, but the meetings were brief, since he hardly had money to spend on her. So it was obvious that those memories would stick hardest in his mind, eating up everything else.

He often found, while bagging groceries at his job, that he imagined feeling Kat's skin, exposed and firm, beneath his fingertips. It gave him an elevating feeling. Yet, the fantasies evaporated whenever he saw her. He would love her, kiss her nose and lips, taste her chapstick and pity for him. She always managed to slip him a small amount of money after each meeting. He would drag himself home, feeling more and more attracted to her body. She was well endowed, anyone could see that, but he wondered…

"Good job," the teacher, Ludwig, said, thumping Matthew's back proudly. He dug around for the permit. Matthew smiled, accepting it, and handing him a piece of paper that allowed him to take the course in the first place.

Matthew walked home. He entered his apartment briefly, to pull on his work uniform and to wash up. He still had thirty minutes. He dug around and found a plastic box Kat had given him during their last meeting.

"You're so thin and only getting thinner, Matthew," she had said and given him some food she had made. It was a slice of finely cooked meat, with a cabbage-based salad to the side, surrounded by some fried potatoes, all topped with a handsome dollop of sour cream. He ate it cold, taking care to savor the flavors. A heavy meal could make him sick and that was the last thing he needed. The clock ticked in the corner, above a TV set he hardly used. Sighing heavily, he put away the meal, hardly half-eaten, and left to work.

He was about to walk to work, when he remembered that he could _drive_ instead. He stopped at Alfred's truck, green, old, sitting mournfully in the parking lot. He frowned and ran his fingers along the hood. He pulled open the door, getting in. It smelled heavily of Alfred. Matthew shoved the key in, it was connected to his house keys, if Alfred came back in however long it would take, and he found the car gone, it would break Matthew. He revved the engine up and it sputtered pathetically.

"Come on…" Matthew groaned, trying again. That time it woke. The car rose to life, happy to be ridden again. He pulled out of the parking lot, driving on to work.

The smell kept coming back, the faint cologne Alfred wore mixed with his own signature musk. It was painfully forcing memories up Matthew's nose. He never knew how lonely it was without Alfred. Some days he didn't even believe that Alfred was somewhere behind bars. He kept expecting to find the blonde man grinning at him, sitting on the couch with a beer in his fist and a packet of ice on his biceps.

He always managed to hurt himself while working, but didn't dare let Matthew worry his head over it. Matthew, every day after work, expected to be scooped up into strong arms and smothered with all sorts of sibling signs of love; most of which were painful.

And yet, when he opened his door, he was greeted by stale air and silence.

Matthew sloppily wiped away his tears, trying to calm his breath. He parked in the designated parking space behind his workplace. He still had a quarter of an hour to go before his shift began. He pulled the key out and leaned his head against the steering wheel, allowing himself to sob.

After ten minutes he disentangled himself and wiped his eyes, putting on a faux positive expression. He didn't want anybody to know his condition. As far as his coworkers, besides the kindly manager, knew, he was just a kid scraping up money, probably to buy the newest game console.

The second his fingers brushed against harsh plastic, his mind floated away into a reverie. First, he imagined coming home to find Alfred there, waiting for him. He would explain that they let him out, he wasn't really responsible for the problems. He would have a scratchy beard that would tickle when he kissed Matthew's forehead, a habit he had after their parent's untimely passing.

Then, because the sadness was too much for Matthew, he went on to planning what he would do with his new permit. He could now drive to school, to anywhere really, and he had to pay for gas too. He frowned, placing the billionth bag on the millionth shopping cart. That would rip away any spare money he had straight from his hands. He would be walking again before he knew it. At least he would save some to take Kat on nice dates. Yes, Kat.

His mind wandered to _that_ place again. It would begin innocently, like two birds nuzzling each other on a tree branch. He and Kat would be in the back of the truck, parked in an empty lot with no one around for miles except for the twinkling heavens above.

Mat would trail his hand down her front, feeling the soft fabric of her favorite sundress, the pastel pink one, and feeling all the grooves and places beneath. Kat giggled, touching his hand and guiding it along her body, tweaking all the right places, until it went below her skirt, warmth beyond everything he could encompass with words and poetry.

Matthew stopped the fantasy in its tracks, violently thrusting it out of his mind. He couldn't have any of it at work. He wasn't ignorant to the fact that he could have a physical, very real, reaction to his mind's images. In public, at that.

He had an apron on, at least. He reached in it, picking up a pair of scissors to apart two bags that had stuck together, via some strange factory accident. He couldn't even rip them apart.

He worked well into the night. When he checked out and went back into that dumpy truck, he felt a considerable weight leaping off of his shoulders. He went home, enjoying the cloaking darkness of the night, swept away by the fan produced by his headlights.


	8. Chapter 8

8

Their sophomore year started and Matthew felt quite at ease with his busy schedule, though he doubted he could handle any more. Alfred still wasn't permitted to come home, but he received his first letter from him the day before school started.

_Dear Matthew,_

_I hope this reaches you when you're feeling good. You know I don't have a way with words or anything, especially here. I can feel my brain cells falling out, it hurts, you know? Anyway, I want to say I'm real proud of you, and I love you little bro. Keep up your grades, and I hope you've finally decided to take that girl as your girlfriend. I think you probably did already. Anyway, you can always go into my bank account for more money…_

It went on to describe how Matthew could improve his living conditions. Each word leaked the sense of "I ain't comin' home, son". It bothered Matthew more than it should have. He constantly had to remind himself that Alfred was being negative, but he couldn't help but believe that Alfred was never coming home.

The letter ended with:

_Don't bite the dust too soon, Matthew. _

_-Yours truly,_

_Alfred_

He hardly ever wrote his last name. Matthew grunted and swallowed hard, folding the paper and tucking it beneath his pillow. He wondered, briefly, if he had any sort of rights because of the whole mess.

He dreamed that he was sinking, with a weight on his chest. He didn't need a professor or psychologist to tell him that the weight was Alfred's absence. Nor did he need telling that the other weight, zipping through the water so fast and pushing him farther down, represented another issue, ready to come in, light speed.

Matthew woke heavily the next morning. He pulled on his glasses and stretched. He picked up his backpack, heavy with supplies generously gifted by the school board. He cooked himself up a fried egg and ate it wordlessly. Not that he could speak to anyone, anyway.

He drove for the first time to school, enjoying the freedom. The thought of ditching weaseled its way into his mind. He could do it. He could drive away.

But then he pictured Kat's face and went to school. With brand new schedules and lockers, he was delighted to find that his locker was closer to Kat, and he shared not only orchestra with her, but history class. It was perfect. He waited for her, history was their first class, to fish everything she needed, out of her locker. She explained that she had come in the previous week to organize her belongings.

"That's a good idea, I should do it next time."

She nodded. She kissed his cheek and shit the locker with her hip, letting him lead the way.

"I can't believe it, Summer's over."

"I know," Matthew said.

"How did you get your permit so early, though?" she realized he was hardly sixteen yet.

"I've got a brother in jail."

"I didn't know they could bend the rules so much."

Matthew shrugged, "I suppose."

At lunch break, they resumed their positions by their tree. Matthew's lunch was even more flimsy than before. Kat noticed and angrily stared at him.

"Mat,"

"What?"

"You know what."

"What am I going to do about it?"

"You are going to let me cook your meals."

"How will you do that?"

"I'll go to your house."

"I—ok." There was no point in arguing with Kat. She had her mind set and the fire in her eyes.

So she did. From that day on, she came home with him. When he went to work she would cook him something, and wait for him to return home and eat dinner with him. After that she went back home. Her parents knew about it and they, too, had a soft spot for such causes. They often sent Kat with ready-made food to Matthew's.

One night, in autumn, Matthew sat on the couch with Kat, eating pasta. He let his hand wander, touching her thigh. She looked at him, watching his fingers creep up. She held his hand, running her thumb along his calloused knuckles.

"Matthew, not now," She cooed.

"I'm sorry," he pulled away, ashamed of himself.

"It's okay, I know you have a lot of stress on your mind."

"Boy, don't I."

"Have you spoken with Alfred?"

"Spoken?"

"Replied to his letter, I mean."

"Oh, no, not yet. I doubt he'd get it. They'd probably go through it and edit out so much that it wouldn't make any sense anymore…"

She nodded, crossing her legs. Despite telling off Matthew, she often though about his hands on her. Less so than he did, though.

"I'm going home," she said, kissing his cheek. Matthew stood. They went out. Matthew stayed by so no one would dare attack her, though she was a strong woman herself and could probably beat anyone who dared lay a finger on her to a pulp. They reached the end of the street and he bade her good-by.

When he returned, just like every night, he was struck by an awful loneliness all over again.


	9. Chapter 9

9

Matthew was failing his classes. His teachers noticed. As Matthew kissed Kat good-by at the end of orchestra class; Mr. Edelstein approached him. Matthew stiffened, ready for some form of chastisement the Austrian was notorious for. Instead, the man asked gently to speak with Matthew. Kat waved and vanished into the halls.

"Sir, I don't have much time… I have a job to get to," Matthew said.

Mr. Edelstein pulled off his glasses and wiped them on his sleeve.

"Mr. Williams it has come to my attention that you are failing your classes. Now, what frightens me is that you are an exceptionally bright young man with much potential. Therefore, I don't want to chastise you or tell you to get your act together, I want to know _what's wrong_ and if I or the staff here can do anything to help you."

Matthew stared at him, biting his lip. He was dropping to a C grade quickly, not finishing homework or studying were the prime suspects. He swallowed and nodded at Mr. Edelstein.

"Perhaps there isn't much we can do, we already know of your condition at home. I'm sorry, by the way." Mr. Edelstein smiled, touching Matthew's shoulder. "Come early tomorrow, I want to talk to you in private, you better get to work."

Matthew thanked him and ran out, checking his watch. He wouldn't have time to change at home, he'd have to wiggle into his uniform while driving. That made him queasy.

The next morning, Matthew sat across from Mr. Edelstein at his desk. The sun painted the room a pale pink. Mr. Edelstein laced his fingers together.

"Alright, what do you need help with?"

Matthew smiled tautly.

"Nothing, really, I'm just too tired when I get home to study or do homework and I have no other time to do it."

"How about you drop one of your classes? You can afford to do it, maybe make up for it in your senior year. Your brother should be back by then."

"How do you know?"

Mr. Edelstein slid a paper across the table. Matthew didn't touch it. Mr. Edelstein took it back, sighing.

"Alright," Matthew stood, "I'll talk to the principal and tell her to drop my French class, I don't need it anyway. I can graduate out of it now."

"No need, I'll tell her and your French teacher."

"Thank you, sir."

Mr. Edelstein nodded. "If you send your brother a letter, send him my regards."

"You know him?"

"I know his uncle."

Matthew nodded, turning out of the classroom.


	10. Chapter 10

10

During his newfound free period, what was once French AP, Matthew inclined his head over his homework. After two weeks of it, his grades had picked up. A beautiful friendship, quiet, but persistent, had formed between him and his orchestra teacher.

During their lunch hour, sitting inside due to the heavy rain, Kat was positively elated. She rubbed his shoulder. "Oh, Mat, I'm so happy you've finally decided to do something good for yourself!"

Matthew smiled, "Thanks, I guess, and it's paying off. I finally have more time. I think I may take another day off. I have enough savings now to afford it. Maybe next Tuesday we could go on a date?"

"I'd love that." She giggled, holding his hand beneath the table.

That Sunday, on their habitual date, Matthew took her to a café. They sat across from each other, drinking warm hot chocolate to ward off the cold from outside.

"Kat, I've been thinking…" He said, leaning across the table. Her eyes widened suspiciously.

"Do you ever… Want to… Do it?"

"Do what?" She asked, though she could quite well guess what he was insinuating.

"It, you know…"

"N-no, I don't think it would be a good idea. Let's wait until we're married."

"Oh, yes, I understand, of course." He nodded, trying to convince himself more so than Kat.

"I know you would, you're a good guy." Her features had become more refined, her angles softer, her eyes more mature. She had gotten her braces off over that summer. And though she wore only the faintest traces of make-up, her face glowed with beauty. His own jaw had grown stronger, his shoulders wider, and his hands bigger. He was looking astonishingly like his brother. Alfred had huge muscles, though, from his job and his routine gym visits. Alfred liked his strength and brawn, almost more than he respected a good education.

After orchestra class on Tuesday, when the class had left, Matthew waited for Kat to finish packing away her violin. He slowly pinned her to the wall, placing firm kisses to her lips. She blushed and embraced him, feeling something burning within her.

He traced his hands down her hips, playing with the zipper of her jeans.

"M-Matt…"

"Hm…?" He said, not opening his eyes as he pushed his fingers into her pants. She didn't jerk away.

"In the middle of a classroom?"

"No one will see us…" He muttered, feeling the soft fabric of her slip.

"What about Mr. Edelstein?"

"He's out there… We'll make it quick."

Despite her inner arguments, Kat submitted to her animal desires.

Neither noticed when the door was pushed open. Matthew still had Kat up against the wall, his pants at his ankles; and Kat's bare legs around his waist.

"Williams? Katrina?"

Matthew and Kat broke away, looking over at Mr. Edelstein. He wasn't blushing but nor was he smiling. He was fuming. He rushed over, pulling them apart. Kat dropped to the floor, starting to blubber and beg for forgiveness.

"What is the meaning of this? You are sophomores, at the end of that year, yes, but-"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Kat covered her face, wiping away the trails of snot and tears. Matthew pulled his pants up, his head bowed from shame. What was he thinking? He should have kept his damn hands to himself. But the power of raging teenage hormones and the love that tied him to Kat was too strong and too enticing to forget.

"Out of this classroom!" Mr. Edelstein jutted a finger towards the door.

"Won't you give us detention?" Matthew muttered.

"Why?" Mr. Edelstein put on a crooked smile, "The consequences of nature will be more than enough to teach you a lesson."


	11. Chapter 11

11

She was late, very late. Not only to class but to her menstrual cycle. She slid into her history class, shooting Matthew a strangled look. He looked pitifully at her.

She was angry with him, very, very mad. Not only did he cause her pregnancy test to be positive, he also made her fear Mr. Edelstein, who not only seen her naked, but had correctly predicted her punishment. Through the previous night she had wept hysterically, cursing Matthew and praying for forgiveness. Her sister walked in on her and went instantly to comforting her. She held her close. Kat spilled everything that bothered her, expecting harsh words to pelt her like stones, but instead she received comfort. They decided that Kat would talk to Matthew about the problem.

After class, Kat walked up to Matthew. She told him and rushed to her next class, leaving Matthew awestruck. Tears filled his eyes.

At lunch, he said.

"We'll run away."


	12. Chapter 12

12

Katrina remained silent for a long while following. She stared at the wind whipping the tall grasses across her feet, trying to toss her worries with it. Her shoulders slumped and she sighed.

"Mat, we can't run away."

"Why not?" Matthew turned to her, feeling dirty and mean.

"We are still in high school."

"So? Tons of people dropped out."

"What will we do about money?"

"We'll run out to where there aren't a lot of people, so not a city; and I'll get all the money I have saved up and from the bank and buy a little apartment. I'll work all day and get money until I can find another, better paying job, then we'll buy a house. We'll raise some good kids."

"Matthew, you don't understand."

Matthew scowled. The more he thought of his plan, the better it seemed; the wilder the more plausible. He began fidgeting.

"What don't I understand?"

A tear rolled down her cheek, racing to her chin and then followed by another, and another. She covered her face and tears freely shed. She hunched her shoulders and hoarsely cried out; "You don't understand a thing, Matthew! You don't get it! I always saw those numbers of all those girls who got pregnant in high school and I thought '_it will never happen to me'_. And here I am. There's a LIVING BEING being made inside of me! Does that not scare you? It scares me, and now all the dreams I've ever had about college and a good life outside of school, my own place, my own dreams, they've been shattered! All because of you, bastard!" She shot up.

That was the first time she had ever cursed at him.

He watched her storm inside, still fuming and clutching her fists.

"Kat…" He muttered, feeling a horrible guilt slam into him and steal his breath. "I'm sorry…"


	13. Chapter 13

13

Matthew slouched into his truck, having skipped orchestra. The school grounds were vacant, hardly a sound disturbed the parking lot. He drove back home, feeling too lousy to go anywhere else. He was to drive to one of the large buildings, scale it to the top, and fall to the ground. He felt the weight of his actions would pull him down much faster than he could imagine. He sighed and clambered out, making the trip to his room. He went inside and tossed the keys on the couch. He didn't hear it jingle, however.

He slid off his jacket and backpack, chucking them against the wall and knocking the table over, feeling the surge of violence swell up in his breast and engulf his mind. His face was red and a fire had ignited in his mind. He blamed Kat for enticing him with her body in the first place, as if it was her fault her body was the way it is. Eventually he realized that his logic was most heavily flawed and decided on blaming himself.

He cursed loudly and stopped dead when he heard a faint cough. He whipped around and faced the couch.

Laying on it, beard covering his chin, his eyes bloodshot and withdrawn, countless beer bottles cluttering the couch, stained shirt, and scowl, was Alfred.

"A-Al…?"

"What happened while I was gone? Do you do this everyday?" He asked casually, pointing to the mess Matthew had caused.

"No…"

Alfred shook his head.

"Well what happened then?"

"My girlfriend is pregnant."

"How?"

"The stork came by."

"Didn't know she was a fan of bestiality."

"Shut up."

"Then don't smartass me."

Matthew bit his lip and felt another wave of tears well up. Alfred was never so snarky before. Prison time had damaged him.

"Al… I'm so happy to see you." He bent down and enveloped his bony brother in a hug. Alfred patted his back, his breath smelling sourly of cigarettes and alcohol.

"I'm sorry for being like this. I thought you didn't come home for another forty minutes."

"I don't, I decided to ditch."

"Well, looks like we're both ruined."

"I'm running away."

Alfred was taken aback. He swung his legs over the couch and stood, scratching his chest. He gripped Matthew's shoulder.

"Why?"

Matthew jerked away. "Do I need to paint you a picture? I'm running away with Kat and that baby."

"Can't she abort?"

"She doesn't want to."

"Did you ask her?"

"To hell with that!"

Matthew spun away, turning into his room and digging around his closet. He tossed clothing he felt he needed behind him, landing in a sloppy pile on the bed. Alfred had followed him in, watching curiously.

"Mattie, where do you plan to go?"

"Out west, somewhere far, somewhere where no one will bother us. I can pretend to be deaf or something, so no one will bother."

"What about when someone tries to sign language something and you can't respond?"

"I'll pretend to be deaf and blind, then."

"Someone could find a way."

"Deaf, dumb, and blind then."

"Matthew…"

"What?"

"How will you find work?"

"I don't know! I just want out!"

"You are sixteen."

"I am, so?"

"So, you aren't ready for this."

"To hell with that!"

"Stop saying that!"

"Why?" Matthew rounded on him, his lip curled and his face sanguine and emitting a faint wave of heat.

"Stop sending everything to hell! You don't need to run away, talk it out! Worst case is you'll never be allowed to see your girlfriend again, and she's only a High school girlfriend. She wouldn't last anyway."

"You don't get it!" Matthew found himself spewing back what Kat had told him. He was surprised, mildly, but too angry to come to terms with it.

"Don't get what?"

"I love her! I love her more than anything. I'm afraid to lose her."

Alfred scoffed and realized he didn't want to take the role of an angry parent. He left the apartment all together, in his t-shirt and ripped pants, and something else he had tucked in his pocket. Matthew just barely caught sight of it when he turned away. He calmed several notable degrees and rushed to the door, looking out into the afternoon sky, searching for Alfred.

"What are you doing?!" He rushed down the stairs, leaving the door wide open, pale light spilling in.

Alfred looked at him. The gun on his back, looped into his belt, was glistening in the sunlight.

"What…?" Matthew heaved, feeling his asthma kindle within him.

Alfred pulled out the gun lightning speed and aimed it at Matthew's forehead.

"I need to go back."

Matthew blinked, too astonished to utter a word.

"To jail, I mean."

Matthew still didn't reply.

"I grew too comfortable to it."


	14. Chapter 14

14

Matthew twitched slightly, his eyes on Alfred's dirty finger nails, holding the gun closer to him. He could smell the metallic tang.

"Al… Kill me and get it over with, then."

Alfred began to press down on the trigger, but ripped it away and aimed it at their apartment, shooting. Matthew looked back, just in time to see a man holding a radio's head burst. Red mist sprayed from his head and painted the white walls behind them. He dropped the radio on the floor and leaned forward, on the ledge, and falling off the building, landing on a car and causing its alarm to go off.

Matthew felt queasy.

"Why didn't you shut the door?" Alfred hissed.

"Why did you kill him?" Matthew spat back.

"I killed him because that is larceny!"

"Let the police do it!" Matthew lashed his arms about.

"Why?" Alfred was beginning to anger. He turned away and started off towards the nearby pub. Matthew decided to leave him alone. He passed the dead body, still smoldering, and quietly entered his house. He continued to pack away his things, feeling it necessary to go quickly. He shoved it all in his back pack, empty of his school supplies now. He went to Alfred's car, now his in reality, and started to drive towards Kat's house. He wished he had a gun.

Kat lived in a quiet suburban neighborhood, secretly pompous and beautifully decorated with mothers cleaning out their lawns and kids playing on the streets. When they noticed Matthew's beat up truck, the mothers called their children back in alarm. The crowd evaporated as though Matthew had rushed in with a fire.

He slid out of his car and saw Kat making her way down the street, carrying her backpack and keeping her eyes to the ground. She stopped before him and her eyes widened.

"Let's go, come on," he cooed, nice and smoothly. She noticed the blood stains on his hand from touching his door knob, coated with the brains of that thief. "I don't want to fight, but I want what's best for us."

"Don't you mean what's best for _you?_"


	15. Chapter 15

15

"What did you say?" Matthew said, staring at her.

She balled her fists and stared at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I said you're doing this for yourself, not for me! I'm not having this baby because you made a stupid mistake. I will do what I want and I—don't—care—what you think!"

"Kat, let's be rational…"

"Yes! Let's be rational, you first."

"Kat!"

"Shut up and leave me alone. We are done for."

"Are you… b-breaking up with me?"

"Yes, yes I am actually. And I don't regret a second of it."

She started up to her house.

"I love you, though," Matthew said.

She stopped, in the middle of the driveway.

"I do," Matthew insisted, moving closer to her. "If… If it's for the best, then leave, but hear me out first. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything, for getting you pregnant, for leaving, for everything. I really do love you, Kat, you're my number one, my heart, my sun, my soul…" He pulled her into a hug and she didn't reject him. She twisted around and buried her face in his chest, gripping his back.

"I know, I love you too, so much," Kat mumbled, "I don't want to break up, but I can't go with you, it wouldn't do anything for either of us."

"I wanted to go because I wanted to have you along. I was—am—afraid of losing you because of how much you mean to me. And I'm not saying that like a teenager, I'm saying that like a human being. I love you, Kat."

She pulled away from him and got on her toes, placing a kiss on his lips. "Good-bye, Matthew."

"Why…? I could stay."

"But you don't want to."

Matthew pulled her back into a hug and she allowed him to cry on her shoulder, not caring that she was in the middle of the street and that her parents could see her. They would see her shape soon, anyway, and her cover would be blown. She planned on telling them that night, anyway.

"I don't, Kat, I really don't. I want to get out, I want to run away and never come back. I don't know why, I'm just afraid of what I would face… Aren't you going to tell me to stay here? Maybe things will get better and all that?"

"But if you stayed you'd regret it forever, you'd always look back on this moment and wish you could change it, that you ran away."

Matthew realized the truth and it hurt, it really did. He acquiesced with a nod.

"Did Alfred come back?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah, he's probably killing someone right now. Jail time didn't do any good."

"What do you dream about, Matthew?"

Matthew closed his eyes and pulled out memories, drawing them before him like tarot cards.

"I dream of escapes, something bigger than I can imagine."

"Well, go on, Matthew. I will always love you." Katrina felt a hard lump form in her throat and she tried to swallow it, but couldn't. Instead she gave him a sorrowful look she hoped described her message clearly. He nodded.

"I'll write, okay, every single day."

"Please do," he voice was hoarse and choppy.

He kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand one final time.


	16. Chapter 16

16

The radio hawked its wires, showing off a singer with a falsetto voice booming out to some song Matthew didn't like nor bother changing. He sighed and drove along the open road. He had long left the city behind, stopping briefly at a gas station to fill up on supplies and gas. Now, he was on an open road with a few houses dotting the distance and an open expanse of blue, blue sky before him.

He didn't know where he was going, but he went on and on. He went where the wind took him, he went without a thought towards his childhood insecurities. He forgot how, as a child, he couldn't leave home because he was afraid of leaving the familiar. But the shock of his recent events had shoved him out of the mind set in a most violent manor and he, left alone without an older brother or parents, took the road, leaving his love behind. Eventually drowsiness was taking him over. He had been driving for hours now, his bum hurt and his head throbbed. The sun began to dip into the sky, draining it of its sapphire glory. Stars began to peek out and he parked his car in the dirt, away from the road. He opened the window a fragment to let in air and pushed his seat back as far as it could go. He stared out the window, out at the sky.

From his point of view, the stars just seemed to be getting farther and farther away.


	17. Chapter 17

17

_Dear my love Kat, _

_I'm still on the road. I doubt I'll ever make it to where I want to go, but I can try, can't I? How are things on your end, Kat? I guess you can't reply because of how much I move, but I'm staying at an inn for the next few days because I've caught a cold (don't worry about it) so send it to the enclosed address, if you ever reply. I'll have my own place soon, though. I've looked through catalogues and I've found the place I need to get to. It's an old place, they say it's haunted by ghosts but we'll see about that. Will you have your baby or no? If you don't, that's okay. I guess you're wondering how I'm doing, so I'll answer it and you can save your ink. I'm doing fine, besides the cold. The inn is nice for how cheap it is. It even provides breakfast which has become my only meal. I just got news that Alfred was sent back to jail for execution. That makes me real sad, Kat, but I'll get through it. I made it through all that through the years… So you're almost done with your sophomore year, funny how everything happens. I think when this reaches you we'd have graduated that year and summer starts, but I don't care. I haven't seen a calendar, clock, or mirror. This inn doesn't have any. _

_Love forever and always,_

_Matthew_


	18. Chapter 18

18

_Dear Matthew,_

_I'm doing better now. I had the operation. It would have been a girl. My parents were very mad but when I told them what happened to you they raised their judgment a fraction and removed the punishment. It was that I couldn't go to the party held at the end of the year for sophomores, which in and of itself is quite sad. But I wouldn't have wanted to go anyway, it would have been far too sad without you, my love. However my brother, sister, and I all went out for brunch the next morning. They're growing up so fast! I'm happy we get along like you and your brother used to. Speaking of him, I'm very sorry. I heard that he will be executed in a month or so. How dreadful, I wish him a decent after life, he was a good man, wasn't he? Well, I want to make this letter a little longer, so you have something to read when you have nothing to do or you can't sleep. I imagine the day you get this letter you'll head off on the road again towards that haunted building. Do send me a letter once you get there, I want something to read to._

_How about I tell you something from my childhood, then? I remember that as a child my siblings and I had a dog. He was a real big one, a Newfoundland. In my childhood we lived in the rural side of the country. I was the oldest so I was in charge of the little ones when they played. I guess this story sounds a little strange since I'm not an old lady just yet, but I feel like one. I think the loss of motherhood in such a way has brought up these feelings. Anyway, one day the big dog took us to the lake. He wasn't told to, he just started running towards it and we had no choice. There was a little yell some ways off but we thought nothing of it. Natalya, my little sister, had to drop her basket of mushrooms to chase after him. We ended up soaking in the lake, trying to contain him, but he was howling madly. We eventually found out what it was. That yell was from a little child drowning there. We eventually pulled the soppy mess of a girl on land and she thanked us, hugging our big dog. He was a savior then, and our best friend._

_When he passed away, at a ripe old age and the year before we moved to the city, we all cried. Natalya clutched him and Ivan wept, hugging me. But, during that time, I realized that that's how life is. Things come and go, and you just have to let them, because there's no use in holding onto it. Like you, I could let you go because I knew you couldn't stay no matter how hard a pushed for it or how tightly I held on. You're a wild horse and you'll keep running, even if I yell at you to slow down. You changed a lot from that wimpy little kid with braces and a big crush on me when I first met you. Yes, I could tell what your feelings were towards me, and I was flattered._

_You were the first person to treat me that way._

_All the love in the world,_

_Katrina_


	19. Chapter 19

19

_Dear Katrina, _

_What a beautiful story and I'm glad I could provide that love. I'm sorry for not responding in so long, but I was busy purchasing this house._

_It's haunted only by the previous owners, I believe. There aren't any ghost, monsters, only the solemn air of failure and sadness. Blood stains line the area below the carpets, the nooses used still hand in one room, words are printed on the walls of horrors unbeknownst to me. _

_I think the woman who sold me this house took pity on my pathetic exterior, ragged clothing, budding beard, dark eyes, no hope left in my lifeless smile, except for the faint thoughts of you. So she sold the house to me for less than she could have hoped._

_I've read so much and written more. I think I've become a writer, but my writing isn't any good, it's flimsy compared to the great epics and words of masters. _

_How are you my dear? I hope you're doing well._

_Love, _

_Matthew_


	20. Chapter 20

20

_Dear Matthew,_

_I'm doing well. It's winter break and my junior year is so close to its end I can hardly believe it. Sometimes I think back to the child I could have brought into the world and it makes me sad._

_Maybe, when I graduate, I'll come to live with you?_

_But, you won't be staying there, will you? You'll leave anyway. I'm guessing you only bought the house to have somewhere to go and call "home", since Alfred is dead and there isn't anything really to do about it. I'm sorry for treading such a dangerous topic, but I can't really tiptoe and dance around it. _

_Love, _

_Katrina_


	21. Chapter 21

21

_Dear Katrina,_

_Yes, you're absolutely right. In fact, I'm leaving just as soon as I send this letter to go somewhere else. I'll be back soon enough, however. I know it's snowing so I'm going to trek the mountains. I'll describe them to you when I return. After I go there, I think I'll come home for a little, and then hit the road as far as I can make it into the dry areas, and come back. _

_Don't feel the need to come see me, I've lost what I once was. I'm afraid you won't love me for what I have become._

_Love, Matthew_


	22. Chapter 22

22

_Dear Matthew, _

_I love you no matter what you have become or are becoming. I fell in love with you when you were different from now, and I don't believe a person can truly change._

_Yes, their morals can be revisited and their idea can be transformed, but their personality won't budge an inch. Deep, deep within you is the naked hatchling of a person you will always be, even if you neglect it. Even though when you shame it and create wounds upon its soft flesh, it will still be there, willing to call you home and love you beyond anything you can ever imagine. That personality will forever remain and there isn't a blade sharp enough to behead it. There isn't a power strong enough to overcome it, save for death, of course, but death will overcome all that dares to live and breathe._

_I know I'm a teenager and that spewing this nonsense is meaningless, but it's what I believe in and just because of my age I shouldn't call it stupid or begging for attention or anything of that likeliness. _

_And so I ask you this: what do you believe in, Matthew? Tell me this, because even though I have felt you in the most intimate ways, I still don't know what you _believe _in. _

_Yours dearly,_

_Katrina_


	23. Chapter 23

23

_Dear Katrina,_

_I'm back. I spent roughly two months on that journey and nearly died at the jaws of hungry wolves. However, I regret not a single moment of it. To see the first, tiny flake twirl down from the chilled sky, to see the world below me like a network of toy homes, and to feel like a free being exploring the natural world was amazing and breath taking. I would have liked to have taken you along with me, to see it with you. _

_What I believe in? I don't really know. I don't believe in anything anymore. I believed in being polite and kind to all, but I haven't spoken to anyone in so long, besides you, that I can exercise that belief. I used to believe that Alfred would protect me no matter what, and that dream was shattered and scattered. I used to believe that I could do something good, graduate high school and college with a diploma in my hand and a smile on my face. I used to believe in a home life with a kind wife and good children, to live with and share the rest of my life with._

_Now, that I have nothing to believe in and make reality, I've decided to relinquish any hopes of staying put. All that energy I have as a rowdy teenager I've foisted unto travel. I couldn't spend a penny on a prostitute, because only the taste and feel of your skin can satisfy me now, but I wouldn't force you into anything you wouldn't do, because I respect you. And I hope you respect me…_

_As the snow melts and spring molds into summer, I've planned my new travels. I plan to take that old truck out into the forest and all, but…_

_But something is happening, I can feel it inside me, I can feel it pulse, like something is hungrily watching me, ready to savagely attack me and tear away my flesh like bits of paper. It's useless hoping, maybe I'm just sick, maybe I'll die soon. Who knows? So I hope you don't put so much effort into coming to visit me. _

_All yours and more,_

_Matthew_


	24. Chapter 24

24

_Dear Matthew, _

_I understand. Please don't do anything rash. It's summer and all I can think of is the precious pool time after our freshman year. That reminds me… _

_Mr. Edelstein? You recall him, right? Well, after you ceased seeing him and I overcame my nerves, I spoke to him. I must have seemed real intrepid because he was shocked. He asked what happened to you and, forgive me but he had a right to know, I told him you ran off. He was mad at first and wouldn't speak to me. He was tempted to smack me with a detention but something melted his heart and he admitted that he was wrong in being mad. He forgives us, knowing how it had damaged me so, and he left teaching. His cousin of some sort had passed away and he needed to tend to that, but he never came back. Before we knew it, a new music teacher, a perky woman with too much energy, had taken his place. She explained that he had sent a letter of resignation, stained by some dark smudges I dare not know the origin of, and he couldn't come in ever again. I tried sending him a letter but the only reply was from someone with bad handwriting who had forgotten to place their name on it. Here's an excerpt:_

I'm sorry miss Katrina but he cannot reply thanks for your time have a good day

_By excerpt I meant the entire thing. It's very strange. _


	25. Chapter 25

25

_Kat,_

_Strange sadness dark bad very sad can't see the light_

_Matthew _


	26. Chapter 26

26

_Matthew,_

_Don't scare me like that! What do you mean? I'll come over right this second. Matthew respond to me. If you don't give me a lucid response in a month's time I am storming over there._


	27. Chapter 27

27

_Can't see any better things getting worse. Can't form better head hurts. It takes day to write entire sentence. Can't help it, pain_


	28. Chapter 28

28

_Matthew, that's it. I'm coming over this second. You better be prepared to answer. If that was some silly prank I will show you pain. _


	29. Chapter 29

29

Matthew lay on his couch, staring towards the ceiling, his heart ceasing to beat and his eyes blank. A beard stubble, unable to grow more because of his age, dotted his chin. He couldn't find the words to form into sentences because a growth within his brain had cut off all thoughts and processes, rendering him a lifeless doll to put back up on the shelf; say goodbye to your childhood, buddy.


	30. Chapter 30

30

And so Katrina found him like that. The TV was blaring because he found the white noise comfort in his sudden, violent sickness. A pen was in his hand, in the middle of forming a response to Katrina. She dropped her bag and rushed to him, feeling his pulse. She did not cry, not yet. Instead she looked around the room.

Grey light from an oncoming rainstorm flooded the room. The TV showed a commercial for a vacuum cleaner. Katrina clicked off the TV and examined the rest of the home, trying to clear her mind before she read Matthew's final words.

The kitchen had piles of half-eaten food rotting on plates. A faint smell resembling that of carrion crowded that area and Kat left that room, her eyes stinging. She avoided Matthew's corpse and went upstairs, into Matthew's bedroom. A simple room with an old bed, dirty sheets, and blood stains lined the walls like a wretched design. Kat picked up a picture frame from the night stand and blew the dust off of it.

There, smiling their metal mouths, Kat and Matthew were. It was cut out of a year book, a dull memory. Kat didn't want to go back for her senior year. She wanted to stay with Matthew forever, till death do we part.

She went back downstairs and sat by Matthew, shutting his eyes and picking up the paper. His arm dropped limply to his side. She began to read the note, the tears spilling out of her eyes at last.

_Freedom take flight like a silver wing riding a wind singing a falsetto tune. _


End file.
